If your anxiety comes from what other people might do, does it not follow then that: what is really “broken” is your expectation that everyone else will treat you like you do them? Expectation is what develops into entitlement, and that’s not the dog we want to feed. A shared reality is the world doesn’t owe anyone, anything.
The need in this situation is We must be able to adapt to our environment to be healthy.
If so, a simple fix can be to adjust your expectations of what others can do to “fix” you (or reciprocate what you do for them), and look instead to be reliant on yourself to “fix” you, (or do what you need to do to be happy with yourself…and knowing what specific happiness is are separate from this point, but very important individual journeys.) Objectivity becomes the greatest strength you can have in stressful situations.
Objective realities are not always favorable to everyone under their weight. For example, you meet someone who you have so much in common with. But, they no longer accept a thing you used to share. The shared objective reality of this situation is Not everyone who is like you, will be like you all the time.
You want to help a friend with a lot in common down on their luck, who you have positive shared experience with, but they have a vice or ulterior motives in accepting your help, and they don’t do the things you had agreed upon. When asking why did two similar people get such drastic results, The objective shared reality is- Nobody is exactly the same in potential.
You are a much more reliable source for your happiness in your own mind than basing your happiness on an outside source. These aren’t absolutes, but a weighing of the absolute negative and the absolute positive reality brings a median of an uncomfortable homeostasis between two polar opposites that can both be true separately, and together. Acceptance of these objective realities as barriers that can be overcome, instead of resigning them as impossible obstacles, is necessary to retain the meaning of objective. In this case, knowledge can bridge the gap between the impossible and the probable outcome.
Hope is necessary when under adversity.
At the same time, in a exercise in self discipline, when you’re not honest with yourself and allow ego, (or worse, an assumption of what others want you to be, or a belief that you need to be true) to dominate your decision making process on the morality of a choice: you’re not being independent by believing you can beat an assumption, because assumptions, beliefs, and others intentions for you are not objective reality- this effort to appease them is akin to chasing a shadow. The same goes for beliefs without evidence- that is not knowledge from experience, and knowledge from experience is more reliable than assumptions from belief.
(Belief is commonly said when what is meant is hope from experience and awareness of the aspect of failure, in this case, a reliance on hope under adversity is necessary. I say this as an olive branch to accept a grey area between the definition and the usage of “belief”. When I use “beliefs”, I am referring to a conglomeration of opinions.)
At our moment of anxiety at the potential of others, the mistake to avoid is being dependent on what you tell yourself is true. To include the objective shared reality: that what your ego tells you may not be true, has helped me in many situations dealing with indecision, anxiety, fear, and insecurity, to succeed under new, foreign experiences that induced anxiety.
When we make decisions based on evidence, as well as know what evidence matters to the positive result we want to have realized, we can be effective- no ego is required when you develop ability, but objectivity is always necessary in development.
To reference an old story:
Which dog do you want to feed? Hope, or fear?
Which instinct do you want to strengthen?
Objectivity- or your insecurity? Both are perceptions of ability- the former builds potential, the latter destroys possibility before a necessary test of hypothesis.
In order to adapt, we must be objective on what we must adapt to.
Independence comes first, then self actualization, then interdependence can exist.
What makes a good team? Objectivity and the ability to adapt using every available ability to succeed together- interdependence.
What you develop, determines your ability.
You can’t develop what you can’t see or perceive, and ego will restrict what you see.
“First, to thine own self be true.”